A Guide to Checking in on Your Mates

Images: @greengrip.au

Words: Nathan Fabiano

It’s not an easy task to approach a loved one, friend or family member with the question that’s so difficult to answer, ‘are you OK?’ but it’s the first step in a positive direction. As people we want to see the best for the people closest to us in the journey of life, however throughout the journey there will be periods of downside and it’s essential to be there for the good times and the bad.

Here are some ways you can check in on your mates if you’re feeling concerned for them.

Listen and learn

The first thing to do is to “listen” and “hear” them when they're talking to you. By deeply listening to their thoughts or what they're saying you might be able to discover patterns or consistency in something that might be bothering them or the root cause for increased anxiety, sadness, frustration and overall mental fatigue. Asking to explain things in more detail or asking people to go further in depth will go a long way in finding solutions or being able to best address a situation and circumstance and get your friends and family back on their feet. 

After listening and gaining some level of understanding of your friends and family situation or thought process here are some steps and suggestions to best approach the “Are you OK?” question. 

Understand timing and location

Before having a deep and meaningful conversation with someone in relation to mental health or anxiety, be aware of your location and timing. Bringing the conversation up to someone in regards to their mental health is a very confrontational situation and it’s best practice to ensure the timing is right and the location is well suited which will bring the best probability of having a productive and well thought conversation. If you know someone enjoys the beach or nature then it might be wise to go to a local beach, grab some food and slowly bring it up.

Open the lines of communication 

Asking how someone is can be done by asking an array of similar questions that can provide the same answer. Some examples are: 

- How have things been lately? 

- Have you been feeling okay? 

- It’s been great catching up today but have felt you’re feeling a little bit off. Is everything alright? 

- How has your past week been? 

- It’s great coming to this (location) it always makes me feel relaxed and at peace. How does it make you feel when you come here?

This question and statement is great as you put yourself out there first and reframe the question so they can open up and engage with you.

After asking an initial question if a response is very vague or short, it’s best practice to follow up saying that you’ve noticed they’ve looked down as of late and just checking up with them. The follow up might encourage them to realise that it’s a safe space between yourself and them. Be reassured that the topic is natural to talk about and also you’d like to know that they would do the same for you if in a certain situation or period throughout their life. 

Don’t be judgemental

It’s important to note and consider that certain situations, events or topics might not affect you in a negative manner compared to someone else. By understanding this and accepting this highlights to not be judgemental but to respond and help in ways that will benefit your friend or family member that best suits them. If you feel that you’ve been caught off guard or know someone that might better handle a situation or essentially help a person in need, its best practice to tell them or refer them to them in order so they can provide the help and support needed. The most important thing to get across is that there are a variety of support networks and resources that can help them and assistance is easily accessible. 

Show up

The most important thing you can do for a loved one is to show that you care and are there for them. Sometimes the way someone is changing to or how they are feeling is out of your control, but you can feel good knowing that you’ve attempted to try and make things better for them.

Using free resources such Beyond Blue or programs run by us at WOW are a great starting point to help with anxiety, depression and other mental health related issues. Show empathy, respect and be there for your loved ones in good times and the bad. This can make a huge difference to someone’s life. As we like to say, “a conversation can save a life.”